When is it ‘ok’ to leave a church?

G’day everyone, Dave Deane here, and our question for the week is: When is it ‘ok’ to leave a church?

Now, this question has come in response to a previous episode where I emphasised the importance of Christian Unity. And I welcome it, because while I stressed the importance of unity, I made no mention of when it might be ‘ok’ to leave a church.

But right of the bat, let me say: there are so many different scenarios that factor in here, so I can’t really speak with any specificity… not to mention, there is no formula or examples for leaving a church in the NT – because, well, back then there wasn’t the luxury of choice…

But I think there are three general guidelines to consider.

First: the decision to leave a church can only be made if we have a right view of what Church actually is.

• Colossians 1:18 states that Christ is the head of the body, the church
• Ephesians 4:11-14 explains us what church should be like: there should be teachers, preachers committed to equipping and building up the body (the church) in the unity of faith to the stature and fullness of Christ (the head)
• Acts 2:42 shows us that, in the early church, there was devotion to the apostles’ teaching and to fellowship and the breaking of bread and prayer.

What we learn here is – church isn’t a building… it isn’t a place… … … it is a people! A body of believers. In other words, Christian’s don’t go to church we are CHURCH, we take what the church is – a living organism of God’s people – to a place where a church meets – a local organisation of God’s people.  

And as the writer of Hebrews tells us: we should never forsake that local assembling together.

So, if you find yourself attending a local church where the leaders do not exalt Christ as God, do not teach salvation by grace alone through faith alone in Christ alone, do not exercise discipline or administer the sacraments and so on… if there is no saturation of the gospel in word and deed on a consistent basis cultivating an environment of grace, truth, love, and holiness then, well, it might not be a case of you having to ‘leave church’ because that may not be a church at all.

A Second thing to say is: while the NT describes the capital ‘C’ Church – that is, the universal body or organism of Christian believers – as the bridge of Christ, local lowercase ‘c’ church attendance is not a ‘until death do you part’ covenant relationship. So yes – we can leave a local church – and there are many very legitimate reasons to do so.

For example: a Christian might leave a church to go to the mission field, or to plant another church, or because they’re relocating for a new job opportunity… or maybe the church that they were at was of a certain structure, or demographic, or time or what have you that no longer aligns with, say, a change in family circumstances, like somebody getting married, or having children, and so on.

But I hasten to add: when a person makes the decision to leave a church, the alternative here is not to leave either the Church (like, the Christian faith altogether), nor is it to just cease going to any church at all. When a Christian leaves a local church it should be to go to another church. I mean, those who say ‘I love Jesus but I don’t need the church’, that’s analogous to saying ‘you want to be my best friend but you can’t stand my wife.’ At that point, if you’ve got a problem with my wife you’ve got a problem with me and we need to have a conversation about our friendship. In the same way… and, um… I mean this tenderly but firmly… if you‘ve got a problem with the Church you’ve got a problem with Christ to some degree… Because the point isn’t that the church is ‘perfect’ like Christ… No, it’s got people like you there… it’s got people like me there… we aren’t perfect… but to reject the Church because it’s not perfect is to reject what the church is by definition: a body of believers recognising Christ who is the perfect head extending grace, mercy and love to an imperfect people. A Christian who rejects the church is a person living a life in conflict with their professed beliefs about who they are…

A Third and final point to make is: irrespective of whether the decision to leave a church is good or bad, there is still a ‘way’ we should go about leaving a church. And that way should be, prayerful and slow.

Again, I’m speaking generally here, but… well, suppose you want to leave because you’re frustrated with certain decisions the church leaders have made, or because of the songs that are sung, or because you don’t get on with some other person in the church… and say you’re talking to your friends about these issues at church… and the bitterness and frustrations are growing… well… it may not be time for you to considering leaving… it may be time for you to consider repenting… Because when we get to this place of being embittered about something or someone, we need to realise that there’s always a number of reasons why and how we get to that place and they aren’t always someone else’s fault. So it may be time for action, but maybe that action is confession… reaching out to people you trust who you know aren’t afraid to disagree with you… talking to the issues not about the issues with people in the church who can affect real change.

If after all of that, the issues persist, there is no change, you’ve lost the trust of the leadership and you remaining is a probable cause of division, then yeah, it may be time to leave. But ‘how’ you leave is crucial… so far as it depends on you – live peaceably with all (Rom. 12:18).

So, in sum: When is it ‘ok’ to leave a church? Well, there’s not one answer because there’s no one reason… But IF you decide to leave a church and go elsewhere, that decision should never be made lightly or tritely.

In our culture we’re so consumer driven, you know, when we don’t like something we go to the next aisle and pick the next thing off the shelf… but going to church is not like going to Kmart. Commitment is key and Christians shouldn’t be in a hurry to change without prayerful deliberation. You’ll never find a perfect church or a perfect pastor, because you’re not perfect and their not perfect… but that’s exactly why we need a local church… we need the mutual edification of fellowship under the one who IS perfect – the head of the body, the one and only High Priest, our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ.